Get me through December 2011

This is for you.

_you_

You know who are you.

I wish I could take your fear and pain away. I wish I could give you hope and strength. I believe in you. I believe in your dreams and ability to make them come true. I can't make you less afraid. But my hand is here to hold on the way. Don't give up. Please. Don't give up.

I love you.

The original Canadian we are the 99% speech?

Halloween

Not so much a fan of the darker side of Halloween, but some things, colours, kids dressed as fairies and Mr. Spock, that I love....  and this.  this is cool... the house is in Riverside, California and the owner has a whole YouTube feed of other songs they've done.  crazy fun.

"2011 Halloween Light Show -- This Is Halloween from The Nightmare Before Christmas.
4 singing pumpkin faces, tombstones, hand carved pumpkins, strobes, floods and thousands of lights. Most all lights have been changed from incandescent to RGB LED so power consumption is a lot less than previous years. Also DMX added to show. All lights, faces and props are custom made (DIY) by me except for the roof line which are CCRs. Controlling channels have gone up 8X from last year. 1144 channels. Riverside, CA"

Miss Representation

http://missrepresentation.org  What have you done to help change the world today?

Strandbeasts

Wallace and Gromit have a show on BBC about inventions... who knew!  LOVE!

Check this crazy clip out - awesomeness....

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00bzj33

princess bride reunion....

I don't know why this made me happy but it did. thanks Martina.... xo

Photos: The 12 coolest libraries in the world

This would be a very cool journey to see them all....

Photos: The 12 coolest libraries in the world

when all things used to be possible

sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead...

sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead...

tired

would it be such a terrible thing if I just curled up, closed my eyes and stayed that way in the dark until everything felt okay again? would it be such a terrible thing if I wished that there was someone to hold me awhile and take care of things?  so grateful for everything I have.  i know I need to give so much more to the world, that I don't do enough.  i'm so tired. so so tired.

you and I

when your heart wears thin

My prayer

to learn to let go and hang on to the high road, no matter how much it hurts or what I find out...

the rendition of them together on stage is more visually beautiful but this sound quality is.... well

To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love

Gratitudes by the Sea

So I've started an experiment.  A blog to capture a memory or moment of joy and gratitude every day.  There should be no excuses for missing a day...  except travel or illness... nothing else should do.  can I do it?  Let's see! 

Find it here and add it if you want to follow along, I won't be blasting the fb world with it like I occasionally do my rambles....

perspective

yeah, cancer pretty much blows.  It devastatingly affects so many people.  There are so many stories of raw devastation and humbling courage and incredible loss.   This cartoon by xkcd kind of hit me hard and provides incredible perspective on what people fighting the fight face.

got someone out there to love but your life is always go go go? Maybe stop whatever plans you had this weekend (unless it was incredibly romantic and involved them already) and just go love, appreciate and cherish them with ever fibre of your body.  Cancer doesn't play favourites and no one is immune no matter their status, their job, their finances.

 

I am filled with gratitude and love for the amazing examples of courage I see in people like Jack, Margie, Maddie, in their families and friends no matter how private or public their battle is. 

moments ~ all that summer camp should be

I've seen a few bloggers that I very much cherish following now trying to capture a moment from the week in a single photo.  I like that.  a lot.  it requires examining your week and the time you spent with a eye of gratitude.  and I am going to blantantly steal the idea - with thanks....

Kenzie's at cub camp this week - all week.  I've been out twice to help with tie-dying the camp t-shirts and to be a beach driver for their day at East Sooke - there are a lot of amazing things I've seen them doing...  and most of the time he doesn't even realize I'm there which is all the more perfect....

flowers

some people might say I have a lot of hair flowers.... maybe even say, I have a "problem" with hair flowers... 

there's still room... I don't see a problem....

oh would the rain away

Oh would the rain away
and the sun return
bringing warmth to my skin
like a lover's touch


oh would the rain away
and the sun return
bringing strength to my heart
like a lover's kept vow

oh would the rain away
and the sun return
bringing courage to my soul
like a lover's hand to hold

oh would the rain away
and the sun return
bringing peace to my body
like a lover's arms that hold

oh would the rain away
and the sun return
bringing reassurance to my all
like a lover's whispered words

oh would the rain away

Finally - sunshine

Finally, sunshine.  a whole weekend of glorious heat searing vitamin D giving sunshine

and with that - the local strawberries

NOW - it's summer....

I

personally, it occured to me as I was in the process of making the jam, it was a bit gooey 

okay - a lot like a strawberry blood bath.

cottage sunshine

just buzzing around...

Canada Day

Happy Canada Day!

it means something different to everyone
and to some many things all at once
parades, bbq's, fireworks, start of summer,
cottage times, boat time, beach wanders, get togethers, quiet reading in the backyard
family, friends, strangers united under the same sky...

every year is never quite the same....




I could fill a book with my favourite images of Canada, maybe two... below is a collage of some of my images of Canada taken in the past year... can you name the location of all of them?

 Whatever your reason is...  take a moment to celebrate...

World Ocean's Day

Kenzie's class was part of this amazing project... his fuzzy red head is in here somewhere!

Oceans Day - 2011 from Daniel Dancer on Vimeo.

...when Wind spoke

" ...when Wind spoke it made the man think of amazing things
Of soft whispering sighs on rocky moonlit beaches
Of shuddering roaring storms
And of flowers smiling... " ~ HSR

a moment in the madness

The culmination of a year's worth of dance lessons, cadet band practice, mixed in with fund raising and school performances.... and the only thing that helped it happen, those crazy 26 hours happily was co-operative co-parenting... and full tank of gas.

The moment that captured my heart though didn't involve my children though my buttons burst with pride at their efforts...

no.  it was Friday night - a ballet class of the most beautiful 3 and 4 year old princesses swaying to My Teddy has a Tutu.  They were breathtaking.  Hair done in curls and lace, light pink lipstick applied, costumes a fairy would envy.   One little girl at the beginning of the dance waved to her family.  The crowd responded and she heard them.  and in that moment, not expecting the outpouring of love that poured towards her and her class, she covered her face with her teddy with the matching tutu and froze for the rest of the dance in terror while her classmates twirled around her.  At the end of the dance, Miss Karen came out on stage and held her tight, told them they were beautiful and carried her off stage.

Princess - dance my love.  dance on stage, dance in the waves, dance on the playground, dance in your livingroom, dance in the wind.  we surround you with our love and we will always be proud of you.  That night the love surrounded you and you weren't expecting to feel it's power.  But the power is gentle and it will keep you safe.  For when you dance, whenever, wherever...  you grace the world with a part of your soul.... and we cherish it.  Dance princess... dance.  I'm sorry we scared you...

Reasons

Kenzie and I wandered Cadboro Bay and surrounds yesterday discovering new paths and beaches....  the sun shone.  He played happily in the sand for over an hour and we saw no one.  No one other than the geese, ducks and family of otters playing in the water while songbirds and gentle waves filled the air with an symphony of gentle spring song....

Need a reason to vote?  No - I know I am blessed to live in a country for which citizens can vote privately.   I have friends who immigrated from places where they don't have that right - either to vote or to vote because they are a woman or to vote secretly.

We live in a place where each person has a say if they take that say.  It's not just a right.  It's a privilege and more importantly it's a responsibility. 

It's not just living by the ocean that makes me realize how lucky I am.  I vote for two reasons....  and I need no other....

 

Juggling

We all juggle.  Every day.  Balancing precariously priorities as life changes and swishes by us forcing us to stop, change direction, add balls, drop them. 

Don't ever drop the ball of your love.  It is your centre, the strength and foundation around which you juggle everything else.  without nourishing love and self, why bother juggling at all?

Of magnolias, bits, bobs and boobie beads...

The sun has been out for a few days this week.  The. Sun.  Sure, still it's coldish for Victoria in April, I still have mittens on in the morning while I scrape the ice off the car.  Sure, my feet are still so cold in my office I have the space heater on most days.  But it's the sun.  And it's been away too long.

Of course, the sun being out means my eyes hurt.  A lot.  And the sexy wrap around over the regular glasses are back on.  But it also means the blossoms are out.  Millions of them.  Cherry trees, apple trees, daffodils, tulips, the rhodos and of course, the magnolias. Oh the magnolias.

When I was growing up my grandmother gave me her copy of Gone with the Wind.  It was tattered then but I loved it.  Every page.  I was enchanted.  Even my high school graduation dress was a southern belle like gown.  My mother took to calling me Laurabelle, her magnolia blossom of the north.  She even labeled cards and packages to University Residence with that moniker.  Seriously.  And her Laurabelle, Magnolia blossom of the north I have remained to this day.

What is ironic is that the first spring after my parents moved to Victoria, my mom and I were driving somewhere and I exclaimed delight as I pointed out the season's first magnolia blossoms.  Mom looked long and hard at them and said, "That's a magnolia?".  I think I stopped the car and stared at her for a moment.  "You've been calling me a magnolia blossom since I was in junior high school and you never even knew what they looked like mom?  What if they had been butt ugly?"  We laughed.  And I still adore magnolias.  Truly I do.  That's what my first tattoo will be if and when the ink gun hits the skin....

I adore magnolias so much my mood is happier and like a blossom hidden all winter from somewhere deep inside the urge came to start trying to make necklaces.  Okay, I knew where the urge came from.  There was a fusion necklace made with old and new components on a website I stalk that I fell in love with.  Never bought because I never had money at the time to buy it.  It seemed extravagant.  And it sold.  I lost it.  And vowed to make myself one similar one day.

 So one day this week I started to play with gillet pieces that I took apart and some pendants from Pakistan I had in my collection.  I found gorgeous blue beads I found to match the blue in the pendant.  And I played.  And created.  And loved it.  I posted the first few on fb - got incredibly supportive feedback.  And made more.  And more.  And more.  Stripping out old necklaces I never wear or that I bought and loved but find too uncomfortable to wear, finding earrings I either don't wear or that are missing pieces, ripping apart headpieces I made but were too wide.  The table at my house is a wild crazy place at the moment. Colourful and strewn with bits, bobs, and boobie beads. 

I decided along the way that if it wasn't something I would be willing and comfortable to wear, I wouldn't make it.  So often, necklaces are made for necks that aren't my size with beads that poke into the skin.  Not on my table.  So the necklaces are bigger in diameter - at least 37 cm.  I put a daisy bead in the first piece.  Loved it.  Vowed there would be one or two in each piece.

The creating started on Wednesday and in the last 4 days I have made 15 necklaces.  All using pieces I had, some new beads and findings from the bead store, most fusing old tribal components with new components to make everyday wearable necklaces.  Even a piece with a cowboy boot and old tribal coins.  Call it a crazy idea but it is remarkably adorable.  I took them on a proper photo shoot by the ocean today.  A photo shoot.  For necklaces.  Holy smokes Scarlett!

It's crazy.  I can't get enough.  I've ordered more pendants and gillet and boobie beads.  I'm going to start listing them on Etsy this week and have so much to learn about that process.  My fingers are numb and I've run out of clasps.  But the magnolias are still blooming, workshops are expensive.... and frankly - I have a couple crafty habits to support and some dreams to fund.  Maybe, just maybe, I've found a lovely lovely way to do it.  And along the way, maybe I'll find the pieces to make my own version of the necklace I fell in love with and that got away.

Looking for balance

I've been ruminating a lot on my life lately.  Looking for direction again and dreams that somehow need to be redefined as my own.  So many challenges to face but so many moments of love and laughter and joy to find and cherish along the way in every day.

My biggest challenge?

Not my eyes though the fact that they are still so sore and sensitive to light and sun scare me very much.  What will it mean for my photography?  How does an always chilled sun loving gecko deal with a world in which she can't be in the sun without pain?

Not being alone for the rest of my life even though that would be lonely in many ways and there are days it makes me very sad not to have someone hold me and to hold.  Not as a friend.  As a soul mate and lover.

Not as a failure to my children.  The boys are amazing and so individual.  Even in the fact that there is something unique about each of them that they cherish and love despite society pressures means they will be okay.  Doesn't mean they'll be perfect.  Heck - I sure am not... but they will be themselves and in a world in which they know they are loved.

I think that my biggest challenge is learning that it is okay to put myself first sometimes. To ask for the time and attention I need without feeling guilty about it. Without feeling like I'm imposing or in the way or should be helping everyone else instead of being greedy and needing something for myself.  It's almost like on the airplane where you put on your own oxygen mask first before helping other people. I've never done that.  It's a cycle I've seen repeatedly until I am worn past useful.  It's time for it to stop.  I deserve to hear more yes's than no's.  When I give to myself.  When I learn to feel safe asking the people I love for the things I need, I will be stronger.  Then I can give better. Love better. Create better. Work better. Parent better. Then I can say yes so much better to the people and things in my life and find the balance in giving and taking that I so lack now.

That is, and probably always will be my biggest challenge.  And I know I need the people who love me in my life to know that.  To support that, encourage that and foster that.  And sometimes, during really hard times, for those people to sometimes say yes, even when I haven't had the nerve to ask the question.

and as Miss Rachel Brice told us, dance for yourself. because no one can do it for you...

arrows

"There is a moment when you say to yourself,
oh. 
There you are.
I've been waiting for you forever."
                                           ~Glee

And if you're lucky enough... love grows and expands your life and your possibilities to places you could never have imagined.

Everyone deserves that kind of love.  Everyone deserves that kind of possibility.

Everyone.
Even me.

Wanderings - Goward House - March 2011

Album of my 22 pieces currently being displayed at Goward House...  lovely opening reception - so nice of friends, family and people we've never met to come by and have a look!  Show is up for the rest of March so if you missed the reception, the house is open Monday-Friday during the day...

hanging soul out

Today Mom and I are hanging our 40 combined photographs (mine) and paintings (moms) at Goward House to create the Wanderings show.  I love the pieces and remember the feelings I had when I took each photo, the weather, the place, the people I was with and loving or missing.  Honoured and delighted to share this amazing opportunity with my mom and I think it might be our strongest show yet of the three we've had together.

Nerve wracking though - this business of hanging your soul up for the world to see, evaluate, criticize, ignore or love.  Even now, less than 2 hours before we hang, changing mind about what to hang and what not to hang....  Twitch, twitch...

Snow Day

Some days it's just better to turn around with your 8 year old, go home, look out your flannel, make some oatmeal and hot chocolate and let him experience the wonder of snow...

Reciprocity

Has someone ever trusted you with their heart? their heart and soul - every ounce of their love and being?

If so - you are truly blessed.  When was the last time you told them, even better, showed them, that you knew what an incredible blessing it was to have them in your life.  I hope today.  And I hope they returned the favour. I have friends who live this way and I adore the way they treat each other, even after decades of marriage, rush to meet each other at the door, gaze adoringly at their partner when engaged in conversation.  And I wonder what it is that makes their relationship tick along so beautifully, despite whatever challenges they face now and in the past.

To have someone give you their heart - to live their life and their days at work, or school, be a mother, father, academic, poet, all the things they are, is amazing.  To be all those things they are and to have given you their heart - their desire to share the beautiful and the ugly of their days, to hold at night, to dream and share and plan, to grow as themselves but walk down the same road as you...  to have given their heart to you is an honour.  Never take it for granted.  Make time everyday just for the two of your hearts to connect, say hello, hold hands, hold each other.  If you say you're going to call in an hour, call.  If you can't, at least text and make a firm time that you can with love and wishes.  Never be so wrapped up in your own world that you forget to ask about theirs.  Offer tea and foot rubs, make dinner or do the dishes, draw warm baths or a walk in the garden.

If someone has trusted you with their heart - realize what a gift you have been given.  Don't neglect it.  Never forget how privileged you are.  If you nurture and appreciate and love, the reciprocal love will wrap you up in such amazing joy and light.  Nothing will be impossible to overcome and your life... well, I bet your life will be happier and longer..

Our New Addition

Well, I did it....

on a rainy day with a fever broaching 101, I finally did it.

The boys and I went and bought our piano....  not sure where we'll put it yet or how we'll pay for lessons but with a little help from PatDad at Christmas and all those crazy work trip aeroplan miles turned into gift cards at Long and McQuaid...  I finally own my own piano and in my heart can say goodbye to the one left behind when I moved out. 

It's not fancy, doesn't have all those crazy digital sounds the comparable Yamaha does but it's a full keyboard with a lovely sound and weighted keys, one pedal and reverb and headset jacks to boot.  Perfect for us.  And I can't wait to get started learning!

Welcome Korg SP 170...  I'm so glad you're here....  just wait until you meet my Grandma's piano bench!

Seven steps to Zen-like creativity - The Globe and Mail

I like this... a lot

Seven steps to Zen-like creativity - The Globe and Mail

good in the world

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

Defining who we are

It's been a crazy week.  

The excitement of one of the top belly dancers Mira Betz in our stratosphere coming for two days of workshops and a gala show - being home in my own bed for a whole week...  so happy - content with my world.  

Then a near miss in the car with a jolting swerve to miss the truck turning left into us before he heard our horn....  the doctor telling me to take muscle relaxants and not dance after a trip to check out the increasing pain in my neck and shoulder...  but it could have been so much worse.  I am alive.  My children are safe.  The person in the truck is safe.  I can still dance, sing, watch my children grow into the men I see them becoming....  I can still hold them in my arms.

Not so for a missing 18 year old girl up Island found today dead in her own local woods... Not so for the dearly loved mother of my friend at work who struggles with her own feelings, with the daily facade of work all the while knowing her father grieves dangerously alone on the other side of the country.  While my cousin in England grieves and struggles to change the manslaughter law in England after the man who murdered her love is sentenced to a pathetic amount of time.  While people continue to die in political protests or bombings or floods or any myriad of things around the globe....

What is it that defines a person? our ability to dance? to sing? to teach? would I be less of a person - less of my essence exist if I ceased to dance or perform?  less of a person if I ceased to exhibit my photography or write?  

Or is what defines our essence as people in how we interact with ourselves and others in the things we do? how we are kind to others as we work, shop, dance, sing, write? how we reach out to those in need? our capacity to show compassion?  our capacity to love? 

every day - every moment we have with those we love is a gift. yet how many of those precious moments slip away arguing about silly things - clothes, homework, what to eat for dinner, who does the dishes tonight.   Remember that ever moment is a gift.  hold your children, your lover, your friends close. cherish them. tell them how you feel. don't suffocate, nourish them and let them grow, watch and celebrate - and just cherish how incredibly lucky we are to have each moment...

 

stars in your eyes

happiness is time with your best friend...
happiness is looking up and seeing things a new way...
happiness is stars in your eyes....

Maybe just for a moment....

Yesterday I packed my bags, ate breakfast, said goodbye to the lovely people at the Dakota Ridge Best Western and headed to the airport.  I was excited for a quick trip to Toronto and visit with my cousins before continuing to Ottawa.  I hadn't seen them for several months and had FINALLY finished knitting baby Lenny's sweater - a colourful fusion of bright red, orange, blue and yellow.  Heck, even a matching toque was waiting.  For fun, I had saved my bright pink Betsy Johnson shopping bag to put it in because face it, I thought - every girl should have a bit of Betsy Johnson in her life. (more on that another time).

I was at the airport in gobs of time.  I wandered it happily - discovering stores full of JUST the right kind of beautiful happy things I always delight in stumbling across - not one but multiple in this airport!  and SNOOPY! there was a Snoopy statue (turns out Charles Schultz was born in Minneapolis and grew up in St. Paul - COOL!).

I snapped pictures and browsed and made my way to the appropriate gate.  No plane.  A weary looking stewardess called up people who had connections to say the plane still hadn't left Toronto.  Weather and mechanical issues.  Expect a 2-3 hour delay.  Sigh.  Text to Jim and Tracey giving them the news that I wouldn't be there.  No hand off of a sweater to Lenny this trip.

Feeling tired for the wait but still content to be in a city where all my encounters with people had been really pleasant (Minnesota Nice they call it) I remembered seeing a United Airlines lounge and wondered if my Air Canada card would let me in.  It did.  Coffee, crackers, a comfy chair.  She tried to reroute me through Denver or Chicago but both flights were full.  I settled in for a wait that turned into about four hours.

CNN was on all the tv's and very quickly news of the shooting in Arizona became the primary and then only focus of the coverage.  And all of a sudden, the fact I was in a foreign country where the office I'd been in all week had a sign saying no guns allowed on the premise - hit home.  I tried to read, knit, write, anything but the news pounded through anything I tried to focus on.  It is said I feel too much, too deeply...  I wish somedays I could turn it off.  When news of the 9 year old girl (just elected to her school's student council and was there to learn more about the local polical scene) being one of the casualty's was announced, the tears started.


How can we as humans who call ourselves educated, enlightened, democratic - how can we live in a world where violence pervades everyday.  In the toys we buy our children, in our television shows, cartoons, slang.   Is there a time and a place where violence is necessary as a defence for human rights?  Yes.  I will stand by what I have always said, that for every girl, for every child who is now able to go to school in Afghanistan, that is a victory.  Should we strive to enforce western ideals and culture on other countries?  no.  but should every child  be able to learn how to read and write?  yes - in their own native languages, their own history, their own culture.  should women be allowed a place to give birth in a safe sterile place with medical assistance at hand?  yes.

I ramble and am probably not wording that right.  And like religious views, I will not push political ones.  People have the right to believe what they believe.  Live and let live.  In peace.

My cousin Tracey posted this today on facebook - a commentary on the Arizona shooting by Keith Olbermann.  It speaks volumes to me and as I watched it, the tears began again.  I mourn with the people of Arizona.  I mourn for the families of the victims, the injured, the eye witnesses.  I mourn for a society where things like this can happen.  Canada is not excempt from violence and there are days I mourn for my own society.

Commentary on Arizona Shootings

The politicans in this commentary are American and the examples are specific to the US.  But I think his words should speak to all of us.  What he says applies to every person every where. It applies to how we treat each other. It applies to how we raise our children and the example we live and are every day.   Maybe the hidden blessing in this tragic event is that it will increase more positive dialogue on gun control and violence in the United States and elsewhere.  Maybe, even just for a moment, people will put down their hatred of each other and try to get along more peace.  Maybe, even just for a moment.


As for me, it was a 13 hour travel day of missed flights and delays for 4 hours in the air.  It will be another week before I see my own bed and can hold my children.  But knowing they are safe, healthy and that I can continue to try and give the tools to be strong peaceful loving men is a gift.  Today I treasure that gift even more.

through the door

Blessings, joy, love, snuggles, kisses, health and happiness to you all in this new year full of promise... ♥

Happy New Year...

 

 

Here we go

through the door

that promises

a new year

bring it...