Saturday, May 14, 2011

a moment in the madness

The culmination of a year's worth of dance lessons, cadet band practice, mixed in with fund raising and school performances.... and the only thing that helped it happen, those crazy 26 hours happily was co-operative co-parenting... and full tank of gas.

The moment that captured my heart though didn't involve my children though my buttons burst with pride at their efforts...

no.  it was Friday night - a ballet class of the most beautiful 3 and 4 year old princesses swaying to My Teddy has a Tutu.  They were breathtaking.  Hair done in curls and lace, light pink lipstick applied, costumes a fairy would envy.   One little girl at the beginning of the dance waved to her family.  The crowd responded and she heard them.  and in that moment, not expecting the outpouring of love that poured towards her and her class, she covered her face with her teddy with the matching tutu and froze for the rest of the dance in terror while her classmates twirled around her.  At the end of the dance, Miss Karen came out on stage and held her tight, told them they were beautiful and carried her off stage.

Princess - dance my love.  dance on stage, dance in the waves, dance on the playground, dance in your livingroom, dance in the wind.  we surround you with our love and we will always be proud of you.  That night the love surrounded you and you weren't expecting to feel it's power.  But the power is gentle and it will keep you safe.  For when you dance, whenever, wherever...  you grace the world with a part of your soul.... and we cherish it.  Dance princess... dance.  I'm sorry we scared you...

Monday, May 2, 2011

Reasons

Kenzie and I wandered Cadboro Bay and surrounds yesterday discovering new paths and beaches....  the sun shone.  He played happily in the sand for over an hour and we saw no one.  No one other than the geese, ducks and family of otters playing in the water while songbirds and gentle waves filled the air with an symphony of gentle spring song....

Need a reason to vote?  No - I know I am blessed to live in a country for which citizens can vote privately.   I have friends who immigrated from places where they don't have that right - either to vote or to vote because they are a woman or to vote secretly.

We live in a place where each person has a say if they take that say.  It's not just a right.  It's a privilege and more importantly it's a responsibility. 

It's not just living by the ocean that makes me realize how lucky I am.  I vote for two reasons....  and I need no other....

 

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Juggling

We all juggle.  Every day.  Balancing precariously priorities as life changes and swishes by us forcing us to stop, change direction, add balls, drop them. 

Don't ever drop the ball of your love.  It is your centre, the strength and foundation around which you juggle everything else.  without nourishing love and self, why bother juggling at all?

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Of magnolias, bits, bobs and boobie beads...

The sun has been out for a few days this week.  The. Sun.  Sure, still it's coldish for Victoria in April, I still have mittens on in the morning while I scrape the ice off the car.  Sure, my feet are still so cold in my office I have the space heater on most days.  But it's the sun.  And it's been away too long.

Of course, the sun being out means my eyes hurt.  A lot.  And the sexy wrap around over the regular glasses are back on.  But it also means the blossoms are out.  Millions of them.  Cherry trees, apple trees, daffodils, tulips, the rhodos and of course, the magnolias. Oh the magnolias.

When I was growing up my grandmother gave me her copy of Gone with the Wind.  It was tattered then but I loved it.  Every page.  I was enchanted.  Even my high school graduation dress was a southern belle like gown.  My mother took to calling me Laurabelle, her magnolia blossom of the north.  She even labeled cards and packages to University Residence with that moniker.  Seriously.  And her Laurabelle, Magnolia blossom of the north I have remained to this day.

What is ironic is that the first spring after my parents moved to Victoria, my mom and I were driving somewhere and I exclaimed delight as I pointed out the season's first magnolia blossoms.  Mom looked long and hard at them and said, "That's a magnolia?".  I think I stopped the car and stared at her for a moment.  "You've been calling me a magnolia blossom since I was in junior high school and you never even knew what they looked like mom?  What if they had been butt ugly?"  We laughed.  And I still adore magnolias.  Truly I do.  That's what my first tattoo will be if and when the ink gun hits the skin....

I adore magnolias so much my mood is happier and like a blossom hidden all winter from somewhere deep inside the urge came to start trying to make necklaces.  Okay, I knew where the urge came from.  There was a fusion necklace made with old and new components on a website I stalk that I fell in love with.  Never bought because I never had money at the time to buy it.  It seemed extravagant.  And it sold.  I lost it.  And vowed to make myself one similar one day.

 So one day this week I started to play with gillet pieces that I took apart and some pendants from Pakistan I had in my collection.  I found gorgeous blue beads I found to match the blue in the pendant.  And I played.  And created.  And loved it.  I posted the first few on fb - got incredibly supportive feedback.  And made more.  And more.  And more.  Stripping out old necklaces I never wear or that I bought and loved but find too uncomfortable to wear, finding earrings I either don't wear or that are missing pieces, ripping apart headpieces I made but were too wide.  The table at my house is a wild crazy place at the moment. Colourful and strewn with bits, bobs, and boobie beads. 

I decided along the way that if it wasn't something I would be willing and comfortable to wear, I wouldn't make it.  So often, necklaces are made for necks that aren't my size with beads that poke into the skin.  Not on my table.  So the necklaces are bigger in diameter - at least 37 cm.  I put a daisy bead in the first piece.  Loved it.  Vowed there would be one or two in each piece.

The creating started on Wednesday and in the last 4 days I have made 15 necklaces.  All using pieces I had, some new beads and findings from the bead store, most fusing old tribal components with new components to make everyday wearable necklaces.  Even a piece with a cowboy boot and old tribal coins.  Call it a crazy idea but it is remarkably adorable.  I took them on a proper photo shoot by the ocean today.  A photo shoot.  For necklaces.  Holy smokes Scarlett!

It's crazy.  I can't get enough.  I've ordered more pendants and gillet and boobie beads.  I'm going to start listing them on Etsy this week and have so much to learn about that process.  My fingers are numb and I've run out of clasps.  But the magnolias are still blooming, workshops are expensive.... and frankly - I have a couple crafty habits to support and some dreams to fund.  Maybe, just maybe, I've found a lovely lovely way to do it.  And along the way, maybe I'll find the pieces to make my own version of the necklace I fell in love with and that got away.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Looking for balance

I've been ruminating a lot on my life lately.  Looking for direction again and dreams that somehow need to be redefined as my own.  So many challenges to face but so many moments of love and laughter and joy to find and cherish along the way in every day.

My biggest challenge?

Not my eyes though the fact that they are still so sore and sensitive to light and sun scare me very much.  What will it mean for my photography?  How does an always chilled sun loving gecko deal with a world in which she can't be in the sun without pain?

Not being alone for the rest of my life even though that would be lonely in many ways and there are days it makes me very sad not to have someone hold me and to hold.  Not as a friend.  As a soul mate and lover.

Not as a failure to my children.  The boys are amazing and so individual.  Even in the fact that there is something unique about each of them that they cherish and love despite society pressures means they will be okay.  Doesn't mean they'll be perfect.  Heck - I sure am not... but they will be themselves and in a world in which they know they are loved.

I think that my biggest challenge is learning that it is okay to put myself first sometimes. To ask for the time and attention I need without feeling guilty about it. Without feeling like I'm imposing or in the way or should be helping everyone else instead of being greedy and needing something for myself.  It's almost like on the airplane where you put on your own oxygen mask first before helping other people. I've never done that.  It's a cycle I've seen repeatedly until I am worn past useful.  It's time for it to stop.  I deserve to hear more yes's than no's.  When I give to myself.  When I learn to feel safe asking the people I love for the things I need, I will be stronger.  Then I can give better. Love better. Create better. Work better. Parent better. Then I can say yes so much better to the people and things in my life and find the balance in giving and taking that I so lack now.

That is, and probably always will be my biggest challenge.  And I know I need the people who love me in my life to know that.  To support that, encourage that and foster that.  And sometimes, during really hard times, for those people to sometimes say yes, even when I haven't had the nerve to ask the question.

and as Miss Rachel Brice told us, dance for yourself. because no one can do it for you...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

arrows

"There is a moment when you say to yourself,
oh. 
There you are.
I've been waiting for you forever."
                                           ~Glee

And if you're lucky enough... love grows and expands your life and your possibilities to places you could never have imagined.

Everyone deserves that kind of love.  Everyone deserves that kind of possibility.

Everyone.
Even me.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Wanderings - Goward House - March 2011

Album of my 22 pieces currently being displayed at Goward House...  lovely opening reception - so nice of friends, family and people we've never met to come by and have a look!  Show is up for the rest of March so if you missed the reception, the house is open Monday-Friday during the day...