Being a random abstract it made me jump to a few weeks ago when Sarah, Andrea and I were privileged enough to dance for my sister Michelle at her birthday party. It was an amazing energy and love filled experience as I have never been to one of her birthday parties. Never been there for Christmas, just - really, never been there other than her christening several Easter's ago. The life of a half sister on the other side of the family.... But that's another ramble for another day....
Michelle had lots of her friends there and the rest of her family. My brother Andy, my PatDad, their mom Fran. My aunt and uncle (Sandi and Pat) who happen to be my godparents were there too. It was a big deal. Fran and Michelle looked so surprised to actually see us standing there at the door - 'you really came'. Yes, we really came as we hugged and were welcomed in. We danced on the ferry in the sunshine and we came just for you.
It was a lovely party. Michelle had organized everything so beautifully and with such precision. She wore her friend's special tiara and there was no doubt who the princess of the day was. Well deserved too. You see, my sister Michelle is amazing. She is a jeweler, a card maker, a stamper extraordinaire, a make up artist and consultant. She volunteers teaching craft classes and is the most wonderful aunt to our 4 year old niece Chloe. She does all this while maintaining her kindness and sanity, negotiating her way everyday with a diagnosis of "borderline personality disorder, panic disorder, and good ole depression" (her words). She and her mom Fran speak to new patients at the hospital about living with mental illness. She's not afraid to speak out against injustice or advocate for the support people with mental illness require to be the functioning contributing amazing people they are. She is even featured in a video talking about life with her challenges and the New View Society which is the drop in centre she often volunteers at (see attached link). Having suffered with clinical depression a few times over the past few years, I know how easy it would be just to crawl back into bed rather than live your life the best you can. So there is for me, a sense of wonder at how Michelle manages to live her life one day at a time.
There are good days and bad days for Michelle and this party was a good day. In fact, I would call it a magical day. I too have had bad days - many over the last few years as I continually adjust to life as a single parent and the challenges that and co-parenting brings. I tend to disappear into myself when things aren't going particularly well. I wasn't even sure I wanted to come to the party, let alone dance and was more than once tempted to beg off as I have for so many other things. But this was Michelle. My beautiful Michelle and she asked me to dance for her. Dance - my lifeline to finding myself again, the place where other worries on my shoulders melt away in the moment. I could dance for her.
When Sarah and Andrea and I arrived and settled into the party it was apparent right away there was a bit of magic in the room right from our reception at the door. Before we went to change into our costumes, Michelle opened her birthday gifts and then I gave her a bindi to adorn her forehead with. a symbol of beauty to honour her creativity and inner spirituality. I had also decided to honour Michelle's mother and called forward Fran, Michelle and Andy's mom who I had lost touch with over the years - too many years. I explained to the guests that when a child is born - it is that child we celebrate, but that we often forget that at that moment, a mother is born too. The moment of being born into motherhood is one I celebrate every year with my birthing sister Angela acknowledging the bond and sisterhood that came in giving birth together so many years ago. It was, I felt time to start celebrating that moment with other mothers and Fran was also given a special bindi to honour her birth into motherhood.
And so we danced. We danced for love and joy and for that one radiant face in the room. Michelle shone as we danced and for us, there was no one else in the room. It was so appropriate that we ended with a circle dance where party goers who choose to join us did a simple circle dance that brought blessings down on Michelle who was placed in the middle of the circle. Everyone laughed and clapped but no one more than Michelle. And for the first time I danced for my Pattison family - who after 4 and a half years of dance being a central to my life have never seen me dance.
I think the day will remain so special because my friends and I give the gift of dance to my sister. More importantly for me though as I reflect was the gift of being able to show my family that even though life has been crazy and stressful for me the past many years, that I am okay.
And now we have a new baby girl in the family as my cousins Jim and Tracey welcome Lenny (Eileen for my grandmother) into their lives this morning. It's a circle completed.... Jim becomes a father but as this baby is born, so too is Tracey born a mother. And everything will be okay.
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| Andrea, Sarah and I with the birthday girl Michelle |
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