a valid place and credit given where due...

this video makes me so happy.....  it is pure brilliance. I must find every single one of these movies and watch them all in a row...

I watched this video posted by a friend and former troupe mate of mine, Jennifer Thorimbert, after reading Carolena Nerrico's long await public comment on the divide or controversy that has been stewing in the world of American Tribal Style (ATS) belly dance.  Carolena created a set format, set it free for the world and watched as the world changed it, retaining the ATS format name without staying true to the original format or in some cases, not giving credit for where it came from.  Now a second or even third wave of belly dancers drawn to fusion and tribal, myself amongst them, have come back to the original format to learn ATS the way it was originally created.  Why do I count myself amongst those seeking to learn the original format?  Because even though tribal fusion is where my heart sings, both Samantha Emanuel (one of my greatest inspirations) and Candace Aldridge Sanchez (my teacher, mentor and friend) have always stressed that one can not claim to be a tribal fusion dancer without knowing ATS - without knowing tribal in it's original pure San Francisco originated form.  That resonates with me and I know I must strive to learn ATS in it's now termed, "old form" and be able to differentiate it from the "new form" or newly added moves.

Over the past almost five years I have been soaking up belly dance continually from Candace and when opportunities strike from Samantha.  I missed an opportunity to learn the General Skills format from Carolena herself in January but hope to find another.  I've had the fortune to learn from Collette, from Angelina, Jill Parker, Arielle, Faith and others - each with their own style and perspective and some of whom make me tingle to watch dance and to learn from.  Each workshop gives me the gift of reinforcing my love of the earthy form of belly dance offered in fusion and ATS.  I dance as often as I can, perform as often as I can, laugh and learn with my dance sisters as often as I can.  It is often a struggle against physical balance and chronic injury, but always, dance is a safe place - my retreat into joy even on the darkest day.  

Harmony Bellydance is hosting a gala next week called Embrace 2010 where almost all the dance performance troupes and their teachers in Victoria are coming to dance on stage with us.  You would think that wouldn't be a big deal.  But in the belly dance world here in Victoria, it is a very big deal.  Just about every style of belly dance you could think of from cabaret, to Egyptian, to ATS to fusion with wings and candelabras, veils and zills will be brought together.  There are often vast emotional divides between the different styles and troupes in belly dance and this is our chance to bring them all together - a showcase if you will for the teachers and their troupes.  In fact, it's so rare all these groups are together, it's a bit nerve wracking thinking of all the potential things that could go wrong.  But we are hoping it's a night egos get left and the door and we call come together to celebrate the forms of belly dance that give each of us joy.  

With all that said, it was amazing to see Carolena post her opinion right now which is gracious and heartfelt.  Seeing this video which encompasses so many amazing dance scenes from the movies, I am overwhelmed at the amazing reminder that for each individual soul, there is a dance that will resonate within them and make their heart sing...   every soul has a rhythm and a song...  and they all deserve a valid place next to each other...

 

all I know

I

I love you.

That's all I know in every atom of my being.

With you is where I belong.

With every atom of my being...

A hand to hold

Depression is an odd thing.  It creeps up on you in the oddest places and at the oddest times.  It can leave you sitting with your hands folded in your lap for hours, wanting to get up and do things but unable to leave your chair. 

There's the memory of the last times too - the drugs and the counseling.  The workbooks on self esteem and the fight against a body that turned the drugs into fat making it a spiral down into the darkest places.  And the vow you would never let that happen again.  But there it is.  Waiting for you in the quiet moments when you least expect it.

Oh, there’s life.  There’s the ability to get kids to school and lunches made.  There are smiles and laughter and long snuggles on the couch with your children.  There is the ability to sit at your desk at work, answer the phone and complete your work projects.   

But when it's quiet, the weeks the kids are away and your friends are all busy, depression is the quiet draw of your bed.  Just to lie down - wondering what you'd need to do to completely wrap things up and turn them over so you could turn them over - nothing would be lost. What would need to get done to just be able to disappear.  Knowing if you did, no one would notice you were gone for the longest time.

But you know you could never do that to your kids.  You remember your vow never to go back on the drugs and you know you have to just figure it out on your own.  You remember the feeling of their hands in yours when you walk together.  And from somewhere deeper down than the dark you find the strength to get out of bed for now.  For them.  So that they have your hand to hold.  But maybe more importantly sometimes, so that you have theirs.